A natural reaction, on hearing that Julian had passed away on March 22nd 2020, would be to regret the pointless suffering that Julian had endured since October 2019, all in the end to no avail. You might also feel that it might have been better if Julian had never recovered from being unconscious for a week whilst in intensive care after the initial chest operation, in November, which had revealed the massive tumour outside of the upper part of his left lung. Julian’s dismay, indeed devastation, at finding himself with a tube through his mouth connected to his trachea for forced ventilation, a nose tube to feed nutrients directly to his stomach, connected to a dialysis machine and with seriously blackened toes on both feet would also support the view that it might have been better if he had never recovered consciousness at that time.
A little further reflection about the past few months, however, leads to a different conclusion. Despite his very poor physical condition, Julian was, thankfully, still fully the same person. Furthermore, with a good prospect for substantial recovery consistently and genuinely stressed by his doctors and nurses, Julian’s initial dismay was quite quickly replaced by the reasonable hope of a life of acceptable quality especially since it offered the prospect of seeing his young son Magnus, whom he loved to bits, growing up towards manhood. So, although the very considerable incapacity and discomfort that Julian suffered for so long, with patience, forbearance, determination, courage and a capacity often to smile that was positively heroic, did not see him restored to health, the last few months of life nevertheless afforded much of value both to members of his family and, we believe, to Julian himself. This is particularly  true of the many  hours each day we spent with him, sometimes just quietly being there, reading a book yet available if needed, sometimes laughing together about shared experiences, at  other times reading snippets of the newspaper or doing the crossword together. We are, therefore, all profoundly grateful to have been able to spend so much time with Julian, in a spirit of mutual love and affection, before he finally left us.
We must also express our deep gratitude to all of the staff in the Haematology/Oncology ward at Blackpool Victoria Hospital. Not only were they, without exception, competent and considerate, they were also genuinely caring, both towards Julian himself and towards his family. We were truly made to feel at home and some of the nursing staff were not just Julian’s carers but also became his friends.